Smile Simran :)

If you have been following my blog, then I am sure that you know very well that I write about my experiences more than anything else. This blog is the latest installment to that. The name might confuse you as to what I am trying to tell you about but this is the best name for an experience which made me think about the place I live in.
The evening was just the usual evening I spend in Kolkata, chilling out with friends and catching up with what was happening in their lives. I was at crepestation with four of my friends. One had to leave early as he had some prior engagement. After, what felt like half a day at that place me and my friends finally left to get some fresh air. We were carrying a few pizzas which our friend had got for us. After coming out from crepestation, we went to cakes, well to put it precisely outside cakes and were planning what to do the rest of the evening. Just then PD, a friend of mine told us that we were carrying untouched pizzas. None of us were really hungry so we planned to give the food away to Simran.
Simran was an 8 year old girl who used to be outside cakes and in course of time had become friends with us. She came from a poor family but was the life of cakes. I don’t think there was anyone who came to cakes and didn’t know Simran. Her ‘radio’ was something which everyone looked forward to listening. When PD saw her sitting there alone she went to her and offered her the pizzas. Normally she would take it and say a sweet Thank You but that day she wasn’t speaking. PD was surprised. When we saw she wasn’t speaking nor smiling we went over to where PD and Simran were sitting. We asked her what happened but she didn’t reply. Everyone in the group liked her so everyone was concerned as to what had happened to her. We tried asking her but she didn’t say a word. PD seeing this said ,”Simran, if u don’t talk to me now, I won’t talk to you ever”. This did the trick. She finally started talking. She didn’t tell what made her low that day but then she took the pizza and said a thank you. We wanted her to feel special that day so we went over to the guy who was selling balloons and got her one. This brought her smile back, something which all of us were really happy to see.
Now it wasn’t the first time I have been through an experience which made me think but this time it was different. I had always seen people suffer, always felt bad at their condition but this time I felt the kid’s pain. She never told us what happened and probably that made a very big impact on me. The kid didn’t share her pain and probably that’s why I feel more than just bad. I don’t know how to continue because the words fail me. I will let you all decide how you want to end this blog but before I leave I will give you something which will make you remember my blog for a long time. The picture of Simran clicked on the same evening after she was smiling.

True Friendship???

The funny thing about this blog is that I wrote this listening to a very funny song and yet it was not at all funny. A very close friend of mine went through this phase when she actually lost all faith in friendship. At moment I consoled her saying that ‘I understand your pain’. I should have thought before saying that because I never knew her pain at all and when I went through the same thing I realized how strong she had been compared to me.

Its easy to get over a heartbreak caused by your girl but a heartbreak caused by a friend stays with you forever. No matter how things change - for the better or worse - you never are able to get proper reasons as to why your friend betrayed you. When a friend hurts you, it hits the heart and for a moment u don’t realize that a person who had been a brother to you can actually do that to you but as the grim reality sinks in you break down.

Don’t know if I am advertising hatred but yes there is something you just cannot forgive
And this thing was one such thing. He who I thought was my best friend, my homie and my reason for thinking positive was actually just a phantasm in the mist, just a shadow which left me in darkness.

I always thought I am a traveler. I am traveling through time and a place called life. Everyday I have new encounters, I meet people, see things but they don’t amuse me as much as they used to at one point of time. There is this strange claustrophobic feeling I have in a crowd, a feeling that in this rat race everyone is thinking about his own benefit. I don’t feel that I belong here. This is not what I expected life to throw at me and this is certainly not what I thought would happen.

Is life that harsh that it doesn’t even spare the best of friends to be free of ego clashes or is it that we as humans are two self-centered to think anything beyond personal benefit. I know there are two sides to any coin but I need to know why did I go through this even without being the person who was involved in this. How was I responsible for doing wrong to you? How I was responsible for what you went through and why am seen as The Abel in our story of brotherhood???

I know you have no answer to me. I know that deep inside you know that whatever you did was wrong. Deep inside you know that you are a victim of your insecurities. You are a victim of your own mind games.

Somehow I feel sad for you because I am trying to wonder who the biggest loser here is. Maybe just maybe this time I am not the actual one who lost out on things. If you have time to reflect upon what happened, do reflect back and if you feel it should have been you writing this then let me know. Good Day…Brother!!!